Bolo India Bolo

The lush green trees that once lined the streets of Bangalore forming a canopy of leaves overhead, have long disappeared. Their place inevitably has been taken by the spas and fitness centers and seems to have transformed the peace loving population of Bangalore into fitness maniacs. Not only do the inhabitants of the city walk, jog and exercise like never before but they also have inculcated an irritating habit, they advice.

While jogging:
A complete stranger stops me.
Stranger: stop!
Me: (Looking down at his big black dog ) slow down.
Stranger: This is not the way, there is no use.
Me: ?*))&%$#*>@+/????

Stranger: (demonstrating) you have to move your hands this way. Other wise there is no way that you will loose weight. Scientifically blah blah blah…
Me: (Who the hell asked you in the first place?) Errr
Stranger: blah blah blah
Me: (Managing to escape from him)
(Shucks! If only I wasn’t afraid of his dog)


By this time I am totally pissed off, so I start walking. This time I am stopped by my brother’s friend’s mother.

Aunty: No way! You got to loose weight.
Me: (WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM DOING?? BUNGEE JUMPING? ) Errr.

Aunty: Oh, look at me, I have lost two kilo’s. I am on ragi diet for the past two weeks. I am doing all this after I consulted a dietician. Your diet should be such that blah blah blah………………………………………………
Me: (Holy Angel!)
Aunty: blah blah blah…………you are so young, you have to jog, look at the effort that I am putting and I am not as fat as you.
Me: grrrrrrrrrrrrr

(If only she wasn’t my brother’s friend’s mother!)

At yoga:

Friend1: You going to yoga classes. Be careful your back is going to increase in size.
Me: (From where do these people come up with such stuff?)

Friend2: You going to yoga? Don’t ever say OM , women should not say it!
Me: sigh!

Friend3: You are going to yoga? Are you so religious??
Me: !@#$%^&*()-+?????


At GYM:
Friend1: YOU ARE GOING TO GYM? DON’T GO. YOU WILL BLOW UP LIKE HELL AFTER YOU LEAVE THE GYM
Me: (AM I A BALOON OR WHAT?)


If doing without weights
Friend2: Do with weights. The more weights you do with, you will loose weight faster.

If doing with weights:
Friend3: ARE U MAD OR WHAT? DO YOU WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT OR GAIN WEIGHT?
Me: (Anna ninna bitbidu)


At Aerobics:

Friend: You got to loose weight
Me: (Wow! Just the thing I wanted to hear) I am trying.
Friend: Really! I don’t see any difference.
Me: (Your sugary sweet dulcet tones made my day) I am trying. Friend: If you are trying hard and are still not loosing weight, then you are not trying hard enough.
Me: (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

Friend: blah blah (After a big lecture). I am telling you all this because I care about you
Me: (emotional blackmail?)


Outside:

- You have got to go and run marathaon.
- Why don’t you try swimming!
Old Aunty: You are so young and you are unmarried and you are overweight(with tears in her eyes)
Me: 1@#$%^&*()-+<>?


I am sure many would be getting similar advices wherever they go. For those of whom these advices are given they all know that these are nothing but complete crap. As for all the fancy little know-it-all’s, Bolo India Bolo, after all advice is free, even on phone.